Friday, August 20, 2010

Confessions of a Glassesholic

Listen, I have a shameful secret that all the glasses-wearers in the world would most likely despise me for.

I have always wanted to wear glasses.

But I've never needed them!
It's not my fault I've never needed them.  But I always loved the way they looked on people.  And this started back in the early '80's for me (when people were still wearing their glasses from the mid '70s!)......

Anyway,  a few months ago, when I was still working at SidnNancy, I found a pair of glasses.  Cute ones.  Kinda Lisa Loeb-ish, but not too much, you know?  The outside was black but the inside was an off-white.  Although the lenses were pretty worn and kinda foggy.
We kept them at the store for a few weeks, waiting for someone to return for them, but no one ever came.  Instead of just tossing them, I continued to keep them in my purse for a few months after that, but no one ever asked about them.

(Sidebar Real Quick: {it's relevent!}
I bought a pair of really adorable reading glasses before this all happened - red and black checkered!  I've kept them in my purse for times when I do have to read really tiny writing.  They are little adorable magnifying lenses on my face!)

Back to the story-
So I eventually got a new job.  (And I still have two pairs of glasses just laying around in my purse)
During my first week of training for said job, I have lots and LOTS of reading to do.  On bright white paper.  In a very flourescently-lit room.  My eyes started hurting.  It was early.  I reached into my purse for the red and black checkered reading glasses.  I accidentally grabbed the other pair of somebody else's glasses.  I put them on.  It helped.  I didn't noticed.
After a while, someone came in the room to get us (and test us on our reading!) and when I looked up - things weren't fuzzy, as they usually are when you are wearing reading glasses and you look up.  No...everything was clearer..
I looked at the dry erase board.  Clearer.
I took the glasses off.  Less clear.
I put the glasses back on.  Clearer.
I took the glasses back off.  Less clear.

If there was a brief moment of 'uh-oh' or 'oh-no' wasn't really honest.  I admit.  I was happy.  Here I finally was, with a reason to finally wear glasses without real glasses-wearers feeling contempt for me.  I needed them.  Well, not to see.....but to see Clearer!  To read better!  To get less jumpy words and less focusing-too-hard-headaches!  And to get to wear cute glasses!

So I do.  I wear them.  Not every day, just on days when my eyes feel tired, or on days when I feel like wearing glasses.  I like that glasses are now in my life.  And you can hate me all you want.  My eyes will probably just get worse and worse and worse and then you will get your revenge.  Karma's a bitch.

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